Wammy's House Field Trip
by chocokid39
Summary: Watari thinks the boys aren't getting enough 'normal social interaction'. What happens when he decides to take matters into his own hands? Currently on hiatus. Sorry!


_Series: Death Note (Ohba Tsugumi, Obata Takeshi)_

_Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note. Wammy's House, its crazy inhabitants, and all other Death Note characters are the property of Ohba Tsugumi and Obata Takeshi. I simply kidnap them. A lot._

_Genre: Crackfic, shonen-ai, mindless comedy_

_POV: Third person_

_Rating: T for swearing and shonen-ai goodness ^^_

_Pairings: MattxMello, LxRaito_

_Time Period: One year prior to the Kira case_

_Summary: Watari wants the boys to have some "normal" social interaction. When he declares that they will be taking a field trip to an American-style mall, all hell breaks loose P _

*~oOo~*

"Will L, Near, Mello, and Matt please report to Watari's office? I repeat: L, Near, Mello, and Matt to Watari's office immediately."

L, in his usual wrinkled white shirt and jeans, reluctantly tore himself away from his sugar cube tower. He then proceeded to slouch down the hallway to the old inventor's office while munching on a bag of Swedish fish.

Near set his pencil down next to the case files for a serial arsonist. He sighed, and then shuffled over to the flight of steps. "Matt! Mello!" he shouted to the top of the stairway. "We have to go see Watari!"

"Stuff it, you annoying furball!" came the ever-charming Mello's response. He paused to take another bite of the chocolate bar that was always in his hand, which muffled his next sentence. "We'll be down as soon as Matt _shuts off the damn video game _and moves his ass!"

"Just… have to… beat… this… level!" called Matt. "Aaaaaannnnnndddd… finished!" he yelled triumphantly.

"About time. Let's go, Matt." Of course, they began arguing whilst ambling down the long hallways of Wammy's House.

"Hey! I'll have you know that I just beat level ninety-seven of Kingdom Hearts using only a level one keyblade!"

"And this is important to me how?" Mello retorted sarcastically.

"B-but I just beat a world record!" Matt sniffled.

"Aww… c'mon Jeevas, you know I was just kidding." Mello laughed, ruffling Matt's hair. He twined their fingers together, but the moment was short-lived when they tried to walk through Watari's office door and Mello was slammed into the wall.

"Ah, Matt, Mello. We were wondering where you two were!" Everyone was, to put it mildly, rather freaked out. Even the face of emotionless Near betrayed his frazzled nerves. A smile tickled the edges of Watari's lips. His voice boomed, sounding like he would burst out laughing at any moment. It was so different from his usual paternal, stern manner that Mello actually reached for his gun to threaten the "imposter", only to remember that it had been confiscated two days ago.

"Who are you and what have you done with Watari?" Mello shouted. "Near, L, haven't you noticed that this guy is a fake? He's _obviously_ an imposter, you dumbasses!" He glanced in disgust at the 'phony' Watari, who was splitting his sides over Mello's reaction. "And a horrible actor, at that."

"No, this is the real Watari." L finally spoke up. "He's acted like this before, and it was always when he had a 'nice surprise' planned." He rolled his dead, black eyes. "The last one was a blind date with some ditzy blonde pop star." Watari's gales of laughter receded long enough for him to admonish his prodigy.

"Her name was Misa, L. you should at least try to remember the poor girl's name." He turned to the other young genii. "L put her into coma before the waitress even had time to take their orders. He used too many three-syllable words." Watari explained, sadly shaking his head. His joyous mood quickly returned, however, and Mello was thankful the old man had finally stopped laughing at him. "Now," Watari said, "shall I reveal the wonderful surprise I have planned for you boys?" L began running Pythagorean-quadratic equations through his head, anything to block out the announcement of impending doom. Matt and Mello looked at each other with apprehension, while Near simply sat, completely unaffected. "Since L must go to Japan soon anyways, we will fly there with him and take a field trip to an American-style mall!" Nothing in the world could have prepared Watari for the expressions of agony on the boy's faces.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

*~oOo~*

_Author's Note: So, how is it? This is the first time I've posted any of my fanfics online, so I'm eager to see the reactions. Special sneak previews go to the first reviewer! (And Kaoru, I always let you read the new chapters anyways, so don't bother trying to be first ^^)._


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